I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
