Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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