I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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