I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
