i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
