Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
