She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize