If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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