Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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