that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm having to shit out rocks
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
