Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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