we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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