Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
