What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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