Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
