I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
