so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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