perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
