whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
