final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
