last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
