Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just forgot I was standing up.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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