Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
