does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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