after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
