used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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