you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
