I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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