I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
