I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
