We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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