Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i think i just lost a toe
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
