It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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