You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
