If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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