The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
