I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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