Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
