girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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