Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
