Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
