it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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