I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
