i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
