I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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