yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
