maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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