Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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