i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
