somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
