somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
