3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
