I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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