I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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