so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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