Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
