Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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