I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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