Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
