I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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