You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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