Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
