Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
