Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
