I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
