Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
They are going to name an STD after you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
