Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
