i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
