Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
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