She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
