If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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