just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
