dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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