I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
