We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
