I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
