I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Too much gin, very little bucket
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
