Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
