At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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