Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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