at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you never un-have a 4some
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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